I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
