i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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