I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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