I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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