I hope mine doesn't look like that
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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