Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
