We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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