a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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