Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
