just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize