I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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