Your favorite bartender is back from prision
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
