u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
