at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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