The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
