I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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