even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
