Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
