haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
