so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
