My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
