the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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