I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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