ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
