I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just cut my nipple shaving
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
