fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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