Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
