well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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