I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
