Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
