Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
