maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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