"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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