I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No stitches, just platelets and will power
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize