Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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