my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
