if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
