Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
