she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
