and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
