used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
