Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
