why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
