I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
