My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
