apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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