I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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