it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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