that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
