He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
