pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to have your abortion
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
