But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
