I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
