So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
