i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
