I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
