grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
