I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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