Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
