C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize