I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
