Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We don't watch enough power rangers
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize