Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
