I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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