Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
