Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
