I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
