To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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