Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
even my farts smell like vagina
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
