she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Princesses don't give blow jobs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize