my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
