I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
