Don't you send me to vm
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
