Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
