My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
