New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
