Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My hand turned me down
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
