apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
