please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
