How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
